Relationships, Divorce and the Single 60

 I paid $34.95 for my spouse on Match.com

That’s $4.37 per year. Not bad really, given the fun and adventures I had over eight years.

Still, this was the second time that I thought I’d married for life. I’m fast becoming the Elizabeth Taylor of my family. As a child, I was convinced that my brother-siblings would be horrible spouses and parents.  Yet here we all are, three of us still happily married to their one-and-onlys with grown and happy, healthy kids and adventures of their own. And me, a 2-time divorcee... with cats.

We’re way past shocking people with divorce announcements. Half of our married couples nationally divorce each year. Although we still seem to mortify our families and shock the neighborhood when a couple over the age of 60 opts out of their life-long commitment. (Tipper and Al say it ain’t so!)

The collective gut reaction seems to be, “They made it this long, why start over now?”

“Because.” Seems to be sufficient in response.

My situation was one that the two of us could not recover from, still friends asked, “What if  he wants you back…???? Eek!

NPR’s Diane Rehm Show yesterday included the topic, “The Anatomy of Love” 25 Years Later, a follow up to Helen Fisher’s 1992 research and book “The Anatomy of Love: a Natural History of Mating, Marriage and Why We Stray.”

While the host and author covered the science behind our romantic feelings and love, the callers contributed the realities of relationships these days.

Two mature women callers took interesting positions that hit close to home for me. (I’m paraphrasing now.) One, who had initiated her divorce and was now fairly sure she wouldn’t go looking for a relationship again.

I’m there. Relationships are too much work. Certainly not worth the energy of all of that early exploration and relationship building, Yuck!

Another who found the baggage of the mature men (in age only, tee hee) went far beyond what we would expect --- children, health, and commonalities. Men, she suggested, at this age have returned to the age-old search for a cook and housekeeper…with a substantial bank account. You know, the items they won’t get from the 20-somethings they ogle.

Balancing again in the middle of the road on the lane dividing line, I’m not willing to declare that I won’t stay open to all of the possibilities in my life but I’m not interested in actively looking for a partner either. I now think that someone is going to have to find me, do the work and show up on my doorstep … and then go home.

I’m never sharing my closet space again.

I value closing the door and luxuriating in my space, all alone and quiet…with my cats.

Divorce is scary at any age. I was fortunate enough to have learned with the first divorce that I am fully capable of living my life independently. I watched my mother do just that. She was widowed at 59 and went on to work, volunteer and adventure in ways my father never would have enjoyed. She found her independent self. Here I am divorced at the same age and making my way in her footsteps.

As much as we feel everyone should find their only true love, I think we should also welcome an individual’s decision to seize his/her own independence and happiness…before it is too late.