“Why?” might play an important role in criminal
investigations as it goes straight to motive but I’m coming to terms with the
energy wasted by asking it in times of personal pain. It rarely seems that the
answer can justify the effect and it --- to date --- has never been able to
reset the course of life after the effect.
Recently, I learned that a very lovely friend from high
school died too early from cancer. (Mid-50s, which seems to be common among
women --- me, two cousins-who-are-sisters, two sisters-in-law, and too many
other women in the chemo suite with me.) Our paths crossed because she was my
brother’s high school sweetheart.
Looking at some Facebook comments about her, one poster
wrote. [She was] “wonderful, positive, quirky and fun…I primarily remember her
with braces” …as do we all. Smile.
It was her joy, energy and excitement with life the made her
stand out. And while her path took her away from my brother, it did take her
onto a career as a neurologist, marriage and three daughters. Her focus in life
was to do good and I can only imagine the difference she made for her patients
and their families and in her community.
My sadness manifests itself in the realization that someone
so young and contributing so positively is lost too soon. Getting an answer to
why, “cancer” doesn’t comfort the sadness or fill the void created.
A year ago one of my best friends in the GALAXY died far too
young at 67 due to health issues.
In high school he was told by a guidance counselor that he
wasn’t college material. He went on to Princeton, Antioch College, and Newark
State College focusing on guidance counseling and education. He then spent the
rest of his days inspiring school students to see themselves as college
students, helping them prepare to get into college, and ensuring that they were
successful once they gained admission.
I recall telling him more than once that he saved lives
every day to which I’d get a humble little blush and tiny grin…maybe a chuckle
from time to time.
What struck me most about him and still does is that he
never had a doubt about what he was put here to do and just went about doing it
as best he could. “Leave a mark, now a stain,” he would suggest to anyone
listening.
He left his mark indeed.
But I’m left wondering why the cosmos, my God, whatever
karmic structure is out there decided that someone who helps so many young
people and would have been happy to continue to do so for many, many, many
years was taken so soon.
How could a spiritual being think we didn’t need these
valuable people in the world?
God and I have had lots of words about this over that last
year as I’ve come to terms with this absence. He (God) has let me stew a lot and
finally, I was led back to someone’s comment on Facebook after this death.
“Who will fill his shoes?” someone posted.
To which I responded, “I hope we will all step up,” knowing
that none of us alone were probably able to fill those shoes. After posting, I
quickly forgot about it and went back to pondering “why?”
Perspective comes with time because indeed, that’s where at
least a part of the answer has come from for me.
As painful as the losses are, perhaps those voids are
created to remind us that we should not be so dependent on one person to carry the
whole burden of addressing needs and coming to the assistance to those in need.
While at the same time, the rest of us laud ourselves for whatever sideline
support we offered.
Maybe, just maybe, we lose some of the best of us too soon
as a “slap me into next Tuesday” notice that it’s our time and turn to step up
and contribute to the needs around us.
Spending too much time pondering the “why” factor stunts us
all and doesn’t honor those lost. The better question has to be: “How can I
help now?”
Remembering Barb Jahnke, MD, 1959-2015 and Tendaji W.
Ganges, 1948-2015
