What to do? What to do?...In retirement

Sally Field, 70, has a new movie coming out (“Hello, My Name is Doris”) about a woman of a certain age…”late, late 60s”. In a NPR interview Saturday, Field talked about owning her age: “I've gathered strength behind my years, I owned them, I've earned them, I've deserved them, I have a right to have them. Behind my years I have value that doesn't come when you're 50 or 40 or 30 or 20, it doesn't come until you've been in that saddle for a number of years.”

Within the interview, she comments on how we are constantly in transition, “It [the film] looks at transitioning, you know, human beings; our task in life is to constantly transition from one stage into another whether it's toddlerhood into childhood into adolescence and then young adulthood and then middle age. It's just constant movement,” --- without much guidance.

By midlife, the guidance available emphasizes finances and health care in preparation for retirement. Little is done though to help us prepare for what to do once we get there.

I mean the morning after the retirement party with the box of personal stuff from the office still sitting on the kitchen table.

I am familiar with too many retirees who are bored on their way to death. A retired trucker, who traveled the country in his semi, now struggles with his health because he quit sitting in the truck and instead sits the day away in his recliner in front of the TV. He doesn’t know what to do.

Many people must teeter somewhere between boredom and depression --- the kind that takes them from not knowing what to do to not wanting to do anything because they don’t know what to do. A lonely and boring “Catch 22”.

People aren’t as ready to quit working cold turkey as they think they are. One recently admitted that after quitting her full-time job, finding a part-time one was her salvation in the transition to full retirement. Another, not so happy with the part-time work hesitates to give it up for the same reason. Then what?

I was lucky enough to work for an organization that offered retirement planning workshops for its employees. The all day event covered the standards --- investment planning, wills and trust and health care topics --- and then concluded with one I hadn’t even considered. The psychology of retirement. Preparing mentally for the moment when we realize we don’t have anywhere to go or anything to do.

I’d never thought to stop and prepare for that first free day and all the days to follow. We worked through exercises to help us identify purposes and interests we might choose to pursue in retirement --- from hobbies to volunteerism to education to travel to entrepreneurship --- just for the fun and adventure of it.

I’ve run into retirees who may not admit, but do demonstrate, their frustration with days filled with nothing to do. At the same time, I can’t escape those who have ventured beyond their homes to try something new. Notice the number of mature artists and crafters at shows…and notice the quality of their work.

My family couldn’t keep up with all of the volunteerism my mother did to avoid sitting at home --- at the voting poll, for her church, the local hospital, a thrift shop with a mission she supported. We finally had to get her an answering machine so she’d know we were looking for her. (When she returned our calls and got a machine she would say, “Donna, this is your mother, Lydia Ullrich, calling,” like I wouldn’t know who my mother is!) We’re all needed out there somewhere.

Seniors fill writing classes as they seek to tell the stories of their families or just try their hand at a good mystery. While it still makes the local news when an 80-year-old earns a diploma, most college classes are a nice mix of young and mature students. This gives the concept of peer learning a whole new depth.

There isn’t a fitness program out there that doesn’t tailor its programming to our grumpy bodies. Senior service programs are everywhere, as are non-profit resource centers to help someone find community involvements.

If we put our passions to work we will find our way successfully into retirement and no doubt, we will recognize that our contributions are just as important as we once thought only our career-self could be.

Consider these resources:
The Biggest Mistakes Couples Make Preparing for Retirement, The Wall Street Journal, Sept. 10, 2013

Preparing yourself mentally for retirement, USA Today, Oct. 22, 2013

Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Retirement: Planning for a Successful Transition, Yvette Guerrero, Ph.D., University of California San Francisco, (pdf)

The Emotional Side of Retirement, non financial aspects, Fran Larkin.com, 2013, podcast available.